Feels Bad, Man / Se siente mal, hombre, 2016

Jessye Bautista

What is the purpose of one’s appearance? Jessye Bautista’s self-portrait captures a moment familiar to many women. As she keenly looks at herself in the mirror she alludes to doubts and insecurities, inviting the viewer to ask what influences their own appearances – How can I make myself better? Is the way I look for me or for those who see me? Why do I care? 

Jessye Bautista, age 15

Hollywood

In Partnership with Mercado La Paloma

“Feels Bad Man”

Growing up, I’ve always had a hard time accepting my physical appearance. I knew that inside, I wasn’t half bad, I only wished I looked prettier. I don’t know when I started to focus on my physical appearance, but I remember thinking how nice it would be if I had lighter skin, if I was taller, or if my lips weren’t so oddly shaped. That’s only a few of the thoughts I’ve had about my appearance. Although I have gotten over some of my own critiques thanks to my lovely friends and family, sometimes I get into that mental state again, and I begin to criticize myself without end. This photo was taken at my grandmother’s home where I had lived most of my life and that’s the same mirror where I would make myself cry. Looking at that mirror again, brought up mixed feelings and I thought if I took a picture of that moment of reflection, I’d feel a bit better. Although I’ve gotten over most of my insecurities, looking at that mirror, reminded me of some of my insecurities. I know I need to keep working on changing the perception I have of myself.

I’m a 10th grader at Santa Monica High School and I am inspired by the strong and beautiful people I call my friends and family. Art has always been an important part of my life. Although I moved around a lot as a kid, the thought of everything changing in such a short amount of time always scared me, and art was the only way I could cope. I was introduced to photography at the age of 10 and I remember being really upset because I was taking the class with older people. I didn’t like it when people tried to converse with me, especially adults for some reason. After a couple of classes, I started to become used to the thought of taking the class with older people and I started getting really into the idea of taking pictures of whatever I wanted- whatever style I desired with no rules. The idea that there was so much freedom in expressing an idea, an emotion, an experience, was fascinating to me. I had complete control over Every. Single. Detail. 

My favorite part about Las Fotos Project was the fact that we get experienced and kind mentors who look over our work to give us tips and critiques that, I felt, really helped improve my work. This experience changed my perspective on everyday life, because whenever I go outside now, I look at things differently. Everything I see gives me an idea for a photograph. Working with other girls gave me new ideas and new perspectives, and I often felt pride when someone else took a great photo. I loved working with my mentor because knowing that she was an experienced photographer gave me a sense of security. That, paired with the fact that she genuinely wants to see me succeed and was willing to help me out with any problems I had, ensured that I could take the best photos possible. I have explored new ideas for photographs with Las Fotos Project because lately I found myself in a cycle of taking the same type of photographs and it started to discourage me. I’m not sure if I’ll be joining Las Fotos Project next semester, but I hope I will.